When you serve your mother and father it is okay to try to correct them once in a while. But if you see that they are not going to listen to you, keep your respect for them and don't distance yourself from them. Work without complaining.
– Confucius
It’s been hard knowing how to be with my mom and dad as they have gone through their divorce. With my dad it has been like growing up and becoming an adult, seeing things from his perspective and offering advice when I was asked to or felt it was applicable. This was new and difficult sometimes, but I figured it out pretty quickly. In a lot of ways I think that’s because he and I are so similar in our personalities. However, with my mom that hasn’t been exactly the case. We have always been different, but it has often been very helpful for me. She is the spontaneous, carefree, moment to moment and loving kind of person that I often have a hard time being myself. I am loving, but in a consistent and thoughtful kind of way, not spur of the moment or feelings-based sort of way, if that makes any sense. I am also a planner, a decider and a days-ahead sort of thinker. So, that has always been a challenge for us. Yet, we have still always remained very close until recently. For about a year and a half my mom has felt like we haven’t been that close, and we haven’t been. I think, looking back, it’s because I expected our relationship to change like mine had with my dad. But after talking with her for a while I understand now that that isn’t what she wants at the moment. I am her son and she is my mother and that is as far as she feels we should go right now. I understand that. It might remain that way for quite some time, or it might not, I’m not sure. But I think I distanced myself from my mom because I expected things to change and I think it will be better to stay the same with her regardless of outside influences and situational changes. It’s not ignoring reality, but instead choosing how I want to respond to it. At the moment I would like to keep my respect for my mom and for my dad and work together with both of them lovingly.
