Goal-Free Living

After finishing Goal-Free Living last week, I have found myself looking at goals, success and ambition in very different ways. I am still Travis Hellstrom, Planner/Organizer/Prioritizer, but I am also looking at things more as aspirations and less as goals. One of the analogies Stephen Shapiro uses in his book concerns birthdays and large groups of people. How big of a group, he asked, does it take before you are highly likely to have two people with the same birthday? The number is 22. Not too huge huh? Well what about if you wanted two people with a particular birthday, like January 1st. How big of a group would you need then? The number is in the hundreds.
His analogy was that the difficulty of something coming out exactly as we might like it might be slim, while the likelihood of it coming out just fine might be very good. If we are open to possibilities we are more likely to find what we are looking for, just maybe not exactly what we expected. Other tips included Use a compass, not a map, Trust that you are never lost, Remember that opportunity knocks often, but sometimes softly, Want what you have, Seek out adventure, Become a people magnet, Embrace your limits and Remain detached. Some of these are obvious but some will require reading the book, which I highly recommend. Coming from such a Goal-Oriented person that’s saying something, believe me.

Thanksgiving Special!

Thanksgiving was a wonderful break for me, my family and my friends. This is worth noting, I think, because it was also a special trip for my friend Wee who was able to visit home with me. Wee is an international student from Malaysia who had never celebrated Thanksgiving (which makes sense) and had also never been to Kentucky (or Kentucky Fried Chicken Land, as he calls it). We drove for hours and hours, went to some of my favorite places in my hometown of Hickory, visited with my best friends, had Thanksgiving Dinner with my grandparents in Kentucky, dove in leaves with my little brother and even made a funny movie that’s now on YouTube and Facebook. All this to say I think thanksgiving isn’t just about being thankful for what we have, but instead asking what we can give to others. Wee filled what would have been an empty seat in our car during a fantastic trip and we are all thankful that he did. Our Thanksgiving would have never been as great as it was and I venture to say his wouldn’t have either.

Giving

Thanksgiving was a wonderful break for me, my family and my friends. This is worth noting, I think, because it was also a special trip for my friend Wee who was able to visit home with me. Wee is an international student from Malaysia who had never celebrated Thanksgiving (which makes sense) and had also never been to Kentucky (or Kentucky Fried Chicken Land, as he calls it). We drove for hours and hours, went to some of my favorite places in my hometown of Hickory, visited with my best friends, had Thanksgiving Dinner with my grandparents in Kentucky, dove in leaves with my little brother and even made a funny movie that’s now on YouTube and Facebook. All this to say I think thanksgiving isn’t just about being thankful for what we have, but instead asking what we can give to others. Wee filled what would have been an empty seat in our car during a fantastic trip and we are all thankful that he did. Our Thanksgiving would have never been as great as it was and I venture to say his wouldn’t have either.

Changing the World

Things have been very different since I came back from Costa Rica. I didn't realize it much, but on our way to Kentucky I was talking with Dad and it really started to come clear to me. Since coming back, I have felt lost. I have felt like the world opened up and sucked me into a void where I didn't know what I wanted any more. My meaningful activities at Campbell paled in comparison to world politics and scores of people and I sat, stupefied. I have built amphitheaters, service clubs, Haunted Trails and success stories for small communities. I have wanted to change the world and in my own little way have, but when it came to actually changing the world for the first time (which, by the way, might require a second language) I just couldn't keep up. Where do I start? How does this work? What is really going to help these people? What do you mean it's time to go already? This was just two months, but even two years in Peace Corps will probably not seem like enough. I want to do so much to change the world, but I'm quickly realizing it just isn't simple. It's huge, crazy, personal, slow, minute by minute and incredible. It's Pablo's smile, Marco's book Mo, lessons from Cesar as he runs up the wall to grab a futbol and my family's work to build a small soccer field in the community. Things have been a lot different since I've been back from Costa Rica, but I think the differences have been needed in my life. They are pushes in the direction of truth and matters of true importance: things like family, friends, love, appreciation and gratitude. They are reminders that focus should be on what we can do for others, what will happen to others if we don't help and just how inexpensive true help can be. The differences are things I can't get rid of ever, because they have changed me forever. Changing the world seriously is something I still believe in, but I think it starts from the inside out, as hard as that is.

Little Voice

If you want to change the world, first try to improve and bring about change within yourself. That will help change your family. From there it just gets bigger and bigger. Everything we do has some effect, some impact. – The Dalai Lama

I have written on the topic of changing the world before, but I come back to it about seven months later after reading this recent quote from the Dalai Lama. How do we bring about change in ourselves? How do we “set our hearts right” as Confucius says? I think it starts with the small voice in us that tells us what we should be doing: maybe calling someone, apologizing to someone, or starting something great. We might need to exercise more, spend more time reading or writing, hugging our family, or maybe just talking someone to see how they are. Usually it’s something small, but then maybe that’s why it’s a small voice. As far as I can figure, when I get those small things in order I start to see big change elsewhere. Maybe that’s where the old saying comes from. Makes sense to me.

Shortcoming

“To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else. Rather than speaking badly about people and in ways that will produce only friction and unrest in their lives, we should practice a purer perception of them, and when we speak of others, speak of their good qualities. If you find yourself slandering anybody, first imagine that your mouth is filled with excrement. It will break you of the habit quickly enough.”
– The Dalai Lama

A splinter in another’s eye, a beam in our own. Difficult though isn’t it? It has to be the problem with the other person: they are too mean, too inconsiderate, too harsh, loud, fast, slow, smart, stupid. Hmm…maybe it’s not them. So what is the splinter in my eye? Maybe I don’t communicate well with this person, I don’t share my thoughts, I’m not true to myself, I’m too nice when I really want to be more straightforward, I am not loud enough sometimes, I move too slow, or too fast, or maybe I’m self-conscious about how smart I am, or how stupid I am. There’s no end to it really, or maybe there is.

Maybe the idea is to focus on other people and want to help them, truly. When I think about others and how I can serve them, I forget about how I could serve myself by changing the other person for my convenience. The idea of service is changing yourself around what is convenient for another person. You take them places, explore new things, step out and care about them because you want to love them and care about what is important to them. You want them to become wonderful and happy in their own sight. There are so many wonderful qualities about everyone, including ourselves, and the ability to realize our own shortcomings might just be one of the greatest qualities we have. Humility might be the word for that.

When I think about it, whenever I have a problem with someone, that problem always pales in comparison to the good things I enjoy with that person. I am so skilled at forgetting the wonderful things I have, this is usually an easy thing to do but it shouldn’t be. If we focus on the great things we have, the bad things become smaller and smaller. Then again, if that doesn’t work, just imagine your mouth is filled with excrement. That will probably do the trick.

Piss My Pants

Lately I have been thinking a lot about leadership and what it takes to really be a good leader. My dad says that the definition of a leader is someone who has followers. He quickly clarified that that isn’t exactly what a “good” leader is, but just what a leader is. I agree. Just because a person has followers doesn’t mean they are a good leader and similarly just because people do what I ask them to do doesn’t mean that I am doing a good job. Real leadership, as I am finding much after the fact, has a lot to do with touch and with respect. It truly does require a person to be a follower and also a servant. I say this because after being a follower, I have a much different appreciation for being a leader and also after being a servant I have found much more about what leadership really is.

The Haunted Trail this year was the first time in three years that I have not been in charge. Chase took control this year and ran a very well executed and very successful Trail while I played the role that Josh McKinnon had come to fill in years past. Chase was the leader on the outside of the Trail, observing all participant activities, organizing groups and assisting us on the Trail but not watching over the volunteers inside the woods. This was my job. I shared it with Matthew on both nights and David on Sunday night, but all the same it was a daunting task. We ran up and down the trail between every group and we checked to make sure everyone was okay. They needed water, food, flashlights, bandages, ideas, fixes on chainsaws, oil in torches, advice on their positions and encouragement (though they wouldn’t tell you they did). It was a wonderful job but both nights I was completely pooped. The inside of the trail, as I learned this year, is a job all to itself and I now have a much greater appreciation for Josh than ever before.

When I get a chance to serve other people and ask how I can help them, it is amazing to me how quickly I can get overwhelmed yet feel totally calm and in control. “It seemed like nothing could get to you,” Whitney later told me. It wasn’t that exactly, it’s just that I love it. I get to help people, run around like a mad man in the woods, watch people get the crap scared out of them, take their money, give it away to children and eat pizza in the pitch black. I watched people become screaming babies and others become demonic screaming clowns. Nothing gets to me when I’m doing the Haunted Trail because it is freakin’ awesome. But then again, nothing gets to me like the Haunted Trail because, well, it’s freakin’ awesome. It melts my heart to serve as a leader and help other people raise money for children in our community. Then again, if it didn’t melt my heart, I’d probably just piss my pants like everyone else.

Life is Good

I would like to send out two official Travis Hellstrom Inner-Peace-A-Grams to John and Bert Jacobs, the founders of the Life is Good company. "Don't determine that you're going to be happy when you get the new car or the big promotion or when you meet that special person," explains John Jacobs in this week's Inc. article on the Life is Good company, "You can decide that you're going to be happy today."

I have always liked the Life is Good label, their mission, their products and their approach to life. In reading the article, I was very pleased with what John Jacobs (brother to Bert Jacobs who also founded the company) had to say.

"It's important that we're saying 'Life is good,' not 'Life is great' or 'Life is perfect.' There's a big difference. We know there are lots of bad things in the world. But overall life is good. You have to focus on the good things and help others to focus on the good things." Speaking equally loud with their actions through Camp Sunshine and Project Joy, not to mention their Pumpkin Festivals, I know John and Bert both make good on this vision. Life is Good is an inspiration to me for many reasons and I wish them incredible success as they continue to grow over the coming years. It is my pleasure to announce that another two coveted Travis Hellstrom Inner-Peace-A-Grams have been sent. Two thumbs up and good work Life is Good.

Gladhand

Today Anna Marie taught me a new term: “Gladhand.” Gladhand, she said, is the way a politician shakes your hand and says it is nice to meet you. They ask how you are, hoping for a sincere but short and easy answer to respond to and then they move on. It’s a pleasant enough exchange for you to vote for them and usually enough to keep you appreciating their role as an administrator (if say they are a cabinet member of a University). I can’t remember exactly how it came up in our conversation, but it has certainly stuck with me. We can gladcard someone, gladsmile, gladgreet or even gladhug someone too and I myself have been guilty of every single one of them on more than one occasion. Why do we allow it to happen and not let it frustrate us? Is it really a problem anyway? I guess we allow it to happen, or do it ourselves, because we think there are more important things to deal with than actually being sincere or caring about people individually. We think there are bigger fish to fry, or when we get into power by gladhanding we might actually affect change. Or maybe by shaking the hand of someone who is already in power we think they are, in some way, still thinking about the little man. The point at which this mindset and activity becomes a problem is when we actually believe individual sincerity isn’t important anymore. Integrity, personal touch, individual contact and accountability in relationships on a one-to-one level are lost when we think we (or others) are too important to worry about such things. I have personally thought I was too important to actually remember the names of people in the clubs I ran, too busy to really mean the hugs I was giving, too popular to actually write sincerely in the cards I gave out to others and too widely known to not smile at everyone who might have a slight chance of knowing me. In the smallest of examples, I let all of these things go straight to my head and I lost my integrity, touch, contact and accountability in a flash. The line between important people and things was blurred and gladwhatevers became more important than real reactions. Gladhanding is a new term for me, but the concept is all too old of a challenge. I hope I, and others, can get over ourselves and start to actually be real.