Things have been very different since I came back from Costa Rica. I didn't realize it much, but on our way to Kentucky I was talking with Dad and it really started to come clear to me. Since coming back, I have felt lost. I have felt like the world opened up and sucked me into a void where I didn't know what I wanted any more. My meaningful activities at Campbell paled in comparison to world politics and scores of people and I sat, stupefied. I have built amphitheaters, service clubs, Haunted Trails and success stories for small communities. I have wanted to change the world and in my own little way have, but when it came to actually changing the world for the first time (which, by the way, might require a second language) I just couldn't keep up. Where do I start? How does this work? What is really going to help these people? What do you mean it's time to go already? This was just two months, but even two years in Peace Corps will probably not seem like enough. I want to do so much to change the world, but I'm quickly realizing it just isn't simple. It's huge, crazy, personal, slow, minute by minute and incredible. It's Pablo's smile, Marco's book Mo, lessons from Cesar as he runs up the wall to grab a futbol and my family's work to build a small soccer field in the community. Things have been a lot different since I've been back from Costa Rica, but I think the differences have been needed in my life. They are pushes in the direction of truth and matters of true importance: things like family, friends, love, appreciation and gratitude. They are reminders that focus should be on what we can do for others, what will happen to others if we don't help and just how inexpensive true help can be. The differences are things I can't get rid of ever, because they have changed me forever. Changing the world seriously is something I still believe in, but I think it starts from the inside out, as hard as that is.
