January 26, 2010


The idea of happy and waiting might seem easy, until you have to do it. Learning this skill, this art, takes me to the edge of my sanity. Someone tells me something will happen at a certain time. I wait. The time comes. Nothing. I wait. One hour. Nothing. Two hours. Nothing. I get angry because I want something. I want something different than what I have and I get angry, upset, confused, and quite annoying to the people around me. I can say from personal experience that suffering and desire go hand in hand.

But it makes sense doesn't it? Why the happiest people in the world aren't the ones with the most money. Or the biggest stuff. Or, more basically, the people who have gotten what they wanted the most times in a row. The happiest people seem to have very little. They don't have much and they don't want much. Buddha took it further and I want to as well. The point of life is not enjoying pleasure or avoiding pain. Both will come, you can't stop that. The point of life is not permanence or things that seem permanent like fame, power or wealth. They will go, you can't stop that. Happiness comes from somewhere else more fundamental. You can choose to be right where you are, appreciate it for what it is, fully accept it, and do your best. You can choose to love, to give, to hope, to do what you know is right, especially when it is hard.

Ultimately it's up to you. I accept that. I know that whatever happens, I chose how I act. If I am unhappy, I can change what I am thinking, I can change what I am doing. The problem is not "out there." Out there is only an extension of "in here." When I get angry, upset, confused, and annoying to the people around me, I am trying harder and harder to remember that I can choose a different path. After all, it's annoying to me too.